theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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