He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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