I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think i got beer on your cat.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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