his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
