That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
