someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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