Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My pussy is not your playground.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
