Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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