I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize