I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
