I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
