I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
