You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
