I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
