she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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