people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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