He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
