You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
