He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
