after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
