It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
