My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize