Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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