but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All the doctor said was why
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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