i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
