You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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