I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
