Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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