3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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