I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
