My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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