if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
