all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
