I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
