Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
