Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize