I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
