apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
