I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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