I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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