I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
