Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
