Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
