he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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