Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
