i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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