Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
