So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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