All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
