Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he fucked my hip out of place.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
whose parrot is this?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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