Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
