How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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