Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
