Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
