I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
