i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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