Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
