when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
