i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
