why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
