i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
