I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want a musical about memes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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