shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
