I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
