The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
