hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
