pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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